Spider-Man reboot

It was announced recently that Sony Pictures is "rebooting" their Spider-Man series. New director, new actors, etc.

I have had ample time in my two years of being on Earth with Jix to go through the comics. I get bored.

Y'know, I watched these movies and I have to say, Raimi's Spider-Man isn't a very accurate depiction of Spider-Man. Let's roll down the list.

1) His voice. He sounds prepubescent...through ALL THREE MOVIES! I mean, his voice is higher than Jix's and Jix is a little Ambis. She has a high, squeaky voice. (Of course it gets deeper and meaner as Remula and a little more tomboyish as Lamerix, but...uh...where was I going with this?) If any of them has a deeper voice than an adult human male, this person lacks...hmm...what's the word for it? Cajones? Yes, Tobey Maguire sounds like a eunuch. As I've never had cajones myself, I can't really say I feel sorry for him, but from what Caligos and Paul tells me, this is sad. Tobey, you are just "Spider" without the man part. I mean, I'm an alien machine and I'm more man than you. A failure is you. Not saying you should have a deep voice, but COME ON! Don't sound like a little girl.

2) The jokes. Unlike a lot of Ambis androids, I have developed a sense of humor. Such as...when I see humans slip on ice, I laugh. Ironic deaths are funny, too. So when I watched the movie, I was surprised how few one-liners he had. There were a couple like when he called The Green Goblin "Gobby," but nothing was all that funny. Did Sam Raimi never read a Spider-Man comic? 'Cause Spider-Man is constantly being told to shut-up.

Other than that, they wasn't anything else too terribly bad about the movies...except for three. But here's the kicker: they got the MAIN CHARACTER WRONG! Wow, that's a bad formula and it made the first two movie decent and the third one really bad.

Please fix these things in your reboot, Sony.

My apologies

Ignore my previous comment. Disney is an outstanding company who wants nothing more than to see that its viewers are entertained. There are no malicious acts going on.

Balloon Boy: the conspiracy

Okay, at the time I was battling the furry version of Darth Vader (aka Kelelder the Planet Thief...though if you electrified the crap out of him, he'd laugh and chop your head off) so I missed all this balloon boy crap (I think. I'm not sure if the two took place at the same time or not. My internal clocks in the new bod are a little f-ed up at the moment). After doing some research, I've come to a conclusion.

The balloon boy thing was a hoax!


Well...duh. This isn't important. What IS important is who created the hoax. The media says it's this family, but if you look carefully, they appeared on the show "Wife Swap," first. (By the way...BIG disappointment. I thought the wives brains would be swapped or the families would at least barter first...maybe even have a permanent exchange ending in some kind of death to the finish, but no...it's what would happen if they changed places for a while. If I had a mouth, I would yawn.) I have not seen this episode, but the buzz surrounding this family is that they are storm chasers and alien hunters.

Bad ones, I might add. They've never caught a single storm and their belief that they could easily spot an Ambis ship is laughable. There are other alien ships, but the chances of them reaching this part of the galaxy is idiotic. I've seen really bad storms harnessed to fuel the weapon that destroyed the planet...now that was storm chasing.

Alright, so they swapped once, got famous because they were "weird" (by some kind of human standard) and then swapped again with this seer woman. Ironically she never spotted that heart attack that took her.

Okay, so that didn't happen, but it would've been funny. The future is as unpredictable as which of Remula's personalities are going to be the one waking up. NORMALLY it's Jix (ah, Jix...), but I've greeted her before on some mornings with hot coffee and cereal and it was Remula who threw the coffee at me. It was futile since I lack pain receptors, but sometimes you have to fake it to make the other person feel better about themselves. (That's what she said.) Um...so my point is that you can never tell with these sorts of things.

I know of some dragons who have conquered time travel...ahead of Ambis...but since they can't veiw all parts of the future, it is impossible for them to get anything, but a snippet.

Also, this lady is a medium. (Looks more like a large to me...har har har.) That is...a spiritual medium. Of all the creatures in the known universe, why the flying schanzar would the dead go to her...I mean except to eat her?

The point is...the company that created the show is perpetuating the popularity (or notoriety) of said family.

Some time after their second appearance, we have what the human media has dubbed "Balloon Boy." You should know the story. Little kid, some stupid "UFO" balloon, media hysteria, yadda yadda yadda.

Interestingly enough, one of the first talk shows they appear on is the same station they did the Wife Swap show on: ABC! They're trying to get their own reality show.

Let me go off on a rant right quick: I don't understand why humans enjoy watching each other make a mess of things. I mean, it's one thing to create fictitious situations for their own amusement, but when you are being a genuine jackass on TV, there's something wrong with you...and coming from a droid with a few screws loose, that's saying a lot. You want to see this crap, go find it out in the streets, don't bring it to television.

Anyway...their stunt didn't work, so they released some rap video (for you non-humans reading this...it's best if I don't tell you what rap is...) featuring the boys. None of these ploys have worked to get them their own reality show...as far as I know.

The reason I think is very simple: this company hasn't gotten enough positive reactions off of them that they can't sink money into them until one of their publicity stunts have paid off.

Yes, friends and casual readers...Disney is behind this farce. According to Lauren, Disney is the ultimate evil, but I've seen far worse, so I sought out other information. They do seem to degrade people for their own amusement (its own amusement? Is Disney some kind of singular entity that feeds on the uneducated masses?)

I've watched some of Lauren's old Disney tapes and I have to say...some of them aren't bad, but one or two decent movies isn't enough to make this little green droid look the other way.

I'm on to you...you and your accursed flying prepubescent!

Deporting

I saw something on the human news that kind of bothered me: the humans are wanting to send illegal aliens back where they come from. Well...that would mean Jix, Dyona, and I would have to return to the Ambis planet. I was also not aware that the humans were aware of aliens. From what I've been told about humans by one of the two I know, humans don't know about aliens. They keep making books and movies that speculate about us, so I don't really understand how they are making their claims about sending us back. I guess they're being hypothetical.

Okay...I just want to go on record here: anyone tries to send Jix or I back and they're getting a lead salad for lunch. Followed by Ambis grade titanium alloy fist to the face. I guess the latter one would have to come first, otherwise...what's the point. It's like beating a dead horse--er--human. It made be lethargic...lethartic...what's the word? Um...it would relieve stress, anyway, to beat a dead body, but it's not productive, unless of course the purpose is to relieve stress, then it is productive.

Hmm...apparently, humans are wanting to send back these Mexican people. As I understand it, they're not aliens, but humans. It doesn't make any sense. There aren't any groups of aliens, that I know of, that quite look like humans. I mean, there are the same erect, bipedal shape with fingers and thumbs and so on, but that's true of a lot of races. Humans refer to them as being "humanoid," but that's just silly. There are several races that are older than the humans.

Did you know that there is a race of being living in caves beneath the Earth called dragons and these dragons have had cities long before the humans even came down out of their trees. They even evolved to their "humanoid" shape before mammals were even around.

The Ambis world had mammals before this time, but we didn't have giant lizards, though. The Ambis got the only lizard features of the Ambis planet, which includes the tail and feet.

Okay...I got way off track here. They aren't making us leave and we're not going...so it's pointless. I just hope Lauren is okay with having blood spilled on her carpet. (It's not like I haven't spilled a little myself from a little cup...you know...by accident.)

Dyonus's review on Avatar

Let me get one of my misunderstandings out of the way here for a sec...I live with this girl named Lauren who currently has cable TV. Since I don't have anything to do between random ass villains trying to kill Remula (the Ambis I serve), I became a couch potato (it's a human term for a lazy ass). Whilst watching said cable TV, I came across a cartoon called "Avatar: The Last Airbender." That's what I thought this was going into the theater. They should have called this movie "Avatar: It's not about the kid with the arrow on his head."

I wish it HAD been a movie on that, that would've been enjoyable. Instead, they have a bunch of blue cat people...who aren't Ambis (weird, I know) who are selfish by not moving off their land so the humans can drill. One of the humans takes control of a human made Arga--er--Navi and joins up with them. Instead of asking them to move like he should have, he sides with them and decides to keep them exactly where they are, helping them be selfish.

I mean...they're not even USING the material they're on.

Special effects? I don't know. I went to see it in 3D and it didn't look 3D to me. Maybe the glasses don't work on my electronic eyes, but it didn't do anything for me. And the Arga--er--Navi looked fake. First off...they're not blue, they're kind of an ugly brownish color.

Eh...Lauren is telling me that Cameron made up the Navi. Alright...I guess it is a weird coincidence that they look exactly like a real race of aliens, so I won't talk about how bad they look.

The CGI was pretty good, I guess, but the story was too simplistic. I got bored an hour into the movie, though.

I give it a C-. If I was allowed to talk about the aliens being fake, I'd say an F, but as they are made up...I guess it wasn't too bad.

If this were the Ambis instead of the humans, the Navi would've been killed the very first day they decided they were going to ignore the Ambis. The Ambis would've been nice about asking them to move, but not about them defying us. And trust me when I say...the humans went down way too easily in this movie. When the human airships got taken down, I was laughing really hard and got a lot of dirty looks for the humans in the audience. Really powerful technology getting taken out by a bunch of malnourished cat people? COME ON! That's illogical, even by my standards. And then when they brought in the robots, those got taken down, too.

Speaking of Avatar...did you know there are a group of humans out there trying to get this movie boycotted because they don't show gay people in it. That is stupid. The Ambis, a more powerful race than the humans, were not shown in the movie and you don't hear US complaining about it. And as far as humans are concerned...they didn't show a LOT of minorities in there, what makes your group so special? Lauren is poly--poly--um--Polynesian and she said it was a good movie. She wasn't upset because there were no Polynesian people in the movie. There was a brown person in the movie, but she assured me she was Hispanic and not Polynesian and told me not to assume every brown person was Polynesian. (I still don't know the color difference between the humans.) Anyway...my point is...why are they so upset because there are no people who mate with their own gender in the movie?

Boy are they going to be pissed with the Ambis take over Earth...